Well the title of this is pretty straight forward. A few days ago, I was thinking about how awesome Muff Waders are and I got all excited and sharted my pants. First time in a couple years but it happened. Thought it was a normal little toot but the toot was a surprise shoot of poop. It made me think, some people out there never admit to putting some skid marks on their back side. Now I'm sure many of you guys reading this have been dudes and asked your pals if they've ever shit their pants. You know how it goes, one friend will blurt out they have done it and aren't ashamed of it. Then another guy admits it until everyone admits it followed with good laughs and story telling of how it happened. One of my favorite stories was in high school when a teammate was reppin out squats, racked it, and said "I just shit my pants" and walked out of the weight room. He came back in and we had a good laugh about it, but us men in the weight room that morning respected him more than ever. Took a lot of balls to admit something like that so quickly. Let's be real, everyone has pooped in their undies before. And I'm not talking under the age of 13, I'm talking at least of teen age or adulthood. It's just part of life you know? It happens.... Shit happens. So, this brings me to why you can't trust a man who says he's never shit his pants. If you ask someone if they have ever let out a little slime from their behind with the troushers still upright, and they say no. AND you proceed to tell them that you've mistaken the sewer line for the gas line a time or two, AND they still say they have never once fumbled the football before reaching the endzone... then just walk away. Get that man out of your life because he is a compulsive liar. He can't be trusted. It's a cold hard fact that every man has shit their pants. I'm sorry if you have ever been in this situation and had to cut ties with a friend because of it. Hate to see it but its the way life goes sometimes.
Ladies, have no fear, we men know you have never performed this dirty deed. If a guy every asks you ladies if you have.. well, same story, cut ties with him. You never ask a lady if she has shit her pants because its a cold hard fact that they never have. The guys that asks girls that question more than likely would say they haven't shit their pants, keeps up with the kardashians, claims that porn is gross, and drinks white claws. All men have done it at least once in their life...No shit Shirlock. Doesn't take sir Holmes to figure that one out. Case closed.
By: Dr. Steve Corn